I can’t play the recorder
I get the notes in the wrong order
I can’t cope with the flute
A whistle’s too tough to toot
I wish I could master the violin just like Yehudi Menuhin
But I can’t
And my singing is worse
Than my 90-year-old aunt
So
I just bang a drum

I’m no good you know
At the piccolo
I’m flat or sharp
When I pluck the harp
You’d plug your ears and shout “Oh no!”
If I tried a tune from my Dad’s banjo
And if I picked up a guitar
I couldn’t even strum
So
I just bang a drum

You see
To me
The drum sounds so sweet
I love the rhythm
I love the beat
I click my fingers
I stamp my feet
I send a shudder
Down the street
It’s such fantastic fun
So
I just bang a drum

When it come to the bass
I’m a total disgrace
My piano skills are poor
So I don’t use them any more
Everyone runs till I’m left on my own
When I huff and puff into my trombone
So
I just bang a drum

If you hear me on the saxophone
You’ll be bound to moan and groan
When I attempted the bassoon
I was banished to the moon
And sent to Salonika
For trying the harmonica
I’m really rubbish at handling
The cello and the mandolin
I am so bad at music
I cannot even hum
I thought “I need something new
To get me through”
So
I just bang a drum

You see
To me
The drum sounds so sweet
I love the rhythm
I love the beat
I click my fingers
I stamp my feet
I send a shudder
Down the street
It’s such fantastic fun
So
I just bang a drum

What do I do?
I told you
I just bang a drum