With a farewell note she left Listerine
Said my breath smelt like death and my teeth were obscene
I tried orange flavour, cherry flavour and regular green
Now I’ve a wife and a life thanks to Listerine

When my tongue has a furry coat
And the taste that I’m tasting is rancid goat (or stoat)
What stuff do I copiously chuck down my throat?
Listerine

I pour it on my cornflakes and my muesli
Don’t buy Tesco own brand - be more choosy
Any spare? It’ll kill every germ on your loo seat
Listerine

Give your gob a new beginning
Find something fit for your tonsils to swim in
If when you heave a sigh people say that you’re minging
Try Listerine

I’ve put a stop to my halitosis
Made my kisses seem as sweet as roses
What’s the best mouthwash my dentist knows?
It’s Listerine

My life’s transformed to a gargling marathon
Thanks to this liquid stronger than paraffin
I’m dashing off to have a show in
Listerine

Aqua, methyl silicate, alcohol
Sodium benzoate, saccharin, sorbitol
Aroma, benzoic acid, eucalyptol
Poloxamer, thymol and menthol
Keep it fresh
Keep it clean
Attack plaque in the name of oral hygiene
With Listerine

It’s made me a magnet to the opposite sex
Who needs the gym to build up their pecks?
When you can shove an antiseptic down your neck
Like Listerine

So if there’s a whiff like nasty poo
When someone sniffs your exhaled CO2
Don’t buy Wrigley’s chewing gum to chew
But Listerine