(I think my dentist made a pass at me last week - she said I had very nice gums. True. I already have a poem called 'I Want to Murder My Dentist' and felt very guilty about it after her comment so this should redress the balance.)

Dentist I love you
You're so dear to me
You found a path to my heart
Through my cavernous cavity

Please rip off that mask
Then let down your hair
We'll recline together in your special chair
While other folk might be nervous or scared
To pay a visit to your practice
I burn and yearn for it because the simple fact is

Dentist I love you
Yes! Yes! Yes!
You're the sexiest person in the NHS
You give me fresh hope
You give me fresh breath
(And free samples of Signal, Colgate and Crest)

I eat loadsa cakes, sweets and chocolate too
So I have an excuse to more frequently meet you
I don't care if my teeth decay
As it excites me acutely when you take an x-ray
Every dental check-up is a red letter day for me
Outside my gums bleed
Inside I'm in ecstasy

I don't dig doctors
I don't dig chiropodists
Chiropractors aren't on my hot list
I don't dig osteopaths
I don't dig opticians
But when I'm sitting in your surgery
I feel a certain frisson
For a woman in a white coat
Who's a heavenly vision

So I'm ever willing
To receive your fillings
I'm not even bothered by your over-zealous drilling
Pain and pleasure intermingled
My molar might ache but my soul softly tingles
Most guys fall for women with regular jobs
But I'm fond of a lass who fondles my gob

I'm not joshing
Your brush is a beauty
And I admire your flossing
You're a sugar-free sensation
Can you book me an appointment for another oral examination?
Strange, odd, weird
Yet totally true
Dentist, my dentist
I love you

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